Hakuna Matata: 2016

Barely gettin' by

It's all takin'

And no givin'

They just use your mind

And they never give you credit

So, I've been a bad updater again (oops). But that doesn't mean I have stopped with my 'Letters to No One' by any means. (it just means that these tend to happen in my head and then you get the odd looks because you've spaced out again)
My life has been a circus recently. I've been working several jobs, trying (and failing) to keep up with my studies and juggling more commitments than a, now, 19 year old probably should but hey ho, life's life.
This post, despite the lyrics, is not me complaining about my job/s. In fact, I am happy in my job/s and I like that I'm always busy (what's a rest?) because it stops the over thinking. This post is in fact going to be a collection of the things I have learnt in the short time I have worked at my current job in a local family attraction/national forest place because one it will help me and two it will help to remind me that I am still learning even in it's mundane repetitions.

So here we go, ELLIE'S LIST OF 10 LEARNINGS (as quoted by customers)

"Lattes go in cups not mugs" - This was said by a delightful customer who pushed in the queue for drinks and could not understand why I was serving the polite lady in front of her who had waited in line for nearly 10 minutes. The worst part of this encounter was that I wasn't actually making a latte, I was making a cappuccino that will only fit in our mugs or takeaway cups. The lesson of not choking people with my bare hands was learnt on day one (good start 'eh)
"Why isn't my table clean like those ones?" - Maybe my delicate little cabbage because YOU CHOSE THE ONLY DIRTY TABLE IN THE RESTAURANT TO SIT AT! Breath Ellie. This was one of those moments I looked at her incredulously and learnt the "I want to strangle you but I don't want to lose my job' smile.
"Can I speak to a manager please?" - Of course you can. Maybe our policy will have changed between now and the time it takes her to get back to your table. The lesson here was that it doesn't matter what I say because I don't have a black t shirt on (Mines red like ketchup and honestly it makes me look like I've put on an extra 20 stone! I'm jealous of the black ones okay?!).
"Can I change my order please? My daughter just remembered she's a vegetarian and would now like the chicken Goujons." - 1. How does one forget they are vegetarian? 2. How did you, as her mother, forget she is a vegetarian? 3. How is chicken not meat? 4. WHY AM SURROUNDED BY MORONS? The lesson in this was how to bite back laughter because you can be damn sure I wanted to laugh. Loudly!
"I think that child just dropped them." - NO, that child just had the time of his life with about 100 spoons and my freshly swept floor. I have never been so annoyed/proud/jealous and irritated in my life. The child in question decided it would be fun to empty the bowl of plastic spoons and then run the length of the restaurant throwing the spoons as he went. His laughter still haunts me every time I sweep up. That day I learnt that spoons are not just a tool for eating or spooning peoples eyes out.
"Does this chilli con carne have beef in it?" - This was one of my personal favourites. Now bear in mind our menu states that it is "made with the finest beef mince" and the lady asked for the loaded chilli nachos which is on every menu and is described on the large board above the counter. I took her loaded nachos to her table and when asked if they had beef in my answer of yes was not enough and she made me take the humiliating trip to the kitchen to ask. (Bear in mind, I'm pretty sure the kitchen staff think I'm a bit backwards anyway because of the time I had a brain block and called spaghetti Bolognese pasta worms and ketchup) So the kitchen staff reiterated what I had already said and the lady made me take it back to the kitchen and ask whether they could take the beef out (my word again not enough for her to believe) and they literally just put cheese on tortilla chips for me to take out. The lady was pleased with this. Lesson here: Chilli con carne has beef in it and it's best to laugh than feel embarrassed.
"Does the Cornish Dairy Vanilla have dairy in it?" - This was much the same kind of experience as the one above so I'll spare you the details of my further humiliation. The lesson here was that people will believe sarcasm so just don't be sarcastic. (Which is difficult if like me you have a predisposition to answer stupidity with sarcasm)
"HOLD!" - A woman thrusted her dirty baby into my arms with this word even though I had my hands full cleaning a table. She then proceeded to walk off as her child covered my t shirt in spit, mud, ketchup and what must only be described as the grime covering the floor of hell. She returned and took her child not uttering another word to me. Lesson of the day: people are ignorant and there's always a clean shirt out back.
"I'm just gonna leave now." - That poor, poor man. I felt humiliated for you bless your delicate soul. The poor young man came and spoke to me at the ice cream stand as he ate his ice cream. He was a cheeky chappy who was doing his best (but failed) to flirt with me and ask for my phone number when it happened. He dropped ice cream on his crotch and didn't notice until I pointed it out and bless his soul he tried to rub it off but just spread it into a white mass on the crotch of his trousers. The beetroot colour of his cheeks hurt my heart. (I'm actually cringing at the memory of it. Bless your heart insanely tall guy in the black skinny jeans) Lesson nine: customers are people too, they're not all monsters.
"bleeeugghhhghgh" - This was one of those moments I'll remember for a long time. So a girl who used to bully me came in to work and me being the professional I am served her as I would anyone else. She took to her table and I took her food to the table. Since she'd walked in and seen me she was smirking and looking down her nose at me as if I was a piece of poop on her shoes or a slave that was at her mercy. Quite frankly it was true, if she made a complaint about me then I'd probably lose my job. BUT then the best thing happened. I set her food down on the table and looked up to see her smirking face when her baby THREW UP IN HER TOP. Not just down it but IN it. The look on her face was worth every ounce of hurt she had brought up upon me in the past! I remained professional and walked away in to the kitchen before laughing.And that was the day I learned that people could look down on my job all they wanted, people could think I was the worst of the worst because I had to accept a job like this but you know what, at least I have a job. (And at least I don't have to walk around with puke between my boobs all day haha)